How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize