Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let's paint friendship bongs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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