when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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