so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
