sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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