no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
