after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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