If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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