drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
please come you make the beer taste better
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
