do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
