Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
