What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
