Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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