How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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