Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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