My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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