I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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