Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
