I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
