you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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