so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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