Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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