I'm drive I can fine osifer
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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