I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize