I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
