He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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