If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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