I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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