It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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