i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
