Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
