Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
