Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
