A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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