I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
