i would punch a child for taco bell
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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