i think my tv is drunk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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