I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
