He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've blown a few things in my day
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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