I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
