Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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