MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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