I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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