If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
