this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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