i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
