So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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