I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
