Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
