Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I want her autograph on my taint
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
