is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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