it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
