i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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