just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dick very happy bro
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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