Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
