with your own penis?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
