Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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